Jane Austen at Pemberly
by Sophie Austen
Summary: One shot:Set in University of Pemberly, where Jane Austen's much loved characters study. In this particular lecture, Professor Austen decided to play matchmaker. P&P, Emma, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey & Sense and Sensibility.


(A/N: This idea just came to me and I decided to act on it. I know it may be a tad controversial. I may do a sequel. Hope you enjoy!

Please review!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park or Northanger Abbey, or any of the characters in them; Jane Austen does.

Jane Austen at Pemberly

Professor Austen gave the large classroom a perusal before sitting down at her desk and preparing her notes for today's lecture. The students would be arriving any minute now and she impatiently tapped her foot on the floor.

All of a sudden, they started to flood in, one by one.

"Sorry I'm late Professor Austen, just got caught up in Business Studies," a red-headed young man apologized as he walked in. He had a gentle smile and kind blue eyes, that charmed most of the alumni of University of Pemberly.

"Nonsense Mr Bingley, as you can see you're the first person here," she assured.

A pretty young blonde entered the room, and she smiled shyly when she saw Charles. Ah, Jane thought as she shook her head, young love.

After that that they came in in groups and Professor Austen watched in amusement as your typical tall, dark and handsome young man came sauntering in, with an irritated frown as there was a giggly young woman attached to his arm; desperately batting her eyelashes. Caroline Bingley, Jane thought with disdain.

When they were all seated Jane stood up at the front and started to pace as she said, "Today in our Philosophy lecture we will be studying emotions and characteristics; discussing how they can define a person. You will all be put in-"

She was interrupted when a girl came in, out her puff, her cheeks rosy and her hair windswept, "Sorry I'm late Professor Austen, I had to stay behind in English."

Jane smiled, she couldn't be angry at this girl if she tried, she reminded her too much of herself, "It's fine Miss Bennett, just remember to be on time next lesson.

There was a huff from one end of the classroom, as Caroline Bingley pouted, "She always gets away with it," whilst admiring her nails.

"Maybe because I'm not a Sycophantic bitch," Elizabeth mumbled under her breath, just loud enough to hear.

Several of the boys let out a hoot of laughter as the girls laughed discreetly behind their hands.

Caroline's jaw dropped and she stuttered for a moment before crossing her arms in a resigned fashion.

"That'll be all," Jane said putting on her authoritative voice, giving the class a stern look.

They were immediately silent. It was the general consensus that Miss Austen was an easy-going, fun teacher with interesting lectures, but had a foul temper when provoked.

"For the benefit of those not present before, we will be looking at characteristics and emotions. I have decided that I will pair you off-"

There was instantly a hum of chatter as people turned to their friends asking if they wanted to work together.

"-boy girl, and I have already decided who will work together."

Everyone groaned in unison.

"Unless you want to write that essay Professor De Bourg has assigned her class," she said casually, "I'll just go get the papers," she went towards the door.

Everyone shouted "No, no," in unison and Jane smiled smugly.

"Alright then. Each pair shall be given a characteristic or emotion and they will have to study how this defines the person and present it to the class, next week," she continued whilst walking towards her computer and pressing the button on the projector.

"The roster is on the board along with what you will be studying. I assume you have the maturity to get into your pairs?" she commented drily, "Oh, and don't think I won't notice if you have swapped. I chose these pairs specially."

"Are they on ability?" someone asked.

"Work it out. It may be that I think you do have the same ability, or you work well together, have similar ideas, or even different ones!" she grinned evilly. Or maybe, it's because when you're together, it's downright amusing...

The class started to scan the roster and the reactions were varied. Some smiled happily, some recoiled in horror and some couldn't care less.

_Class Pairs:_

_Charles Bingley, Jane Bennett -Kindness_

_Christopher Brandon, Marianne Dashwood -Sense and Sensibility_

_Edmund Bertram, Francesca Price -Blindness _

_Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennett -Pride and Prejudice_

_George Knightly, Emma Woodhouse - Affection_

_George Wickham, Caroline Bingley - Selfishness_

_Henry Tilney, Catherine Morland -naivety/cynicism_

_John Willoughby, Mary Crawford -Infidelity_

_Frederick Wentworth, Anne Elliot - Persuasion_

Now was the interesting part Jane thought as she studied their reactions. Oh boy was she cunning.

Rick Wentworth started to frown when he saw it but then laughed and slapped Will Darcy on the back when he saw his friend's name, "OK there _Fitzwilliam?"_

Darcy scowled and looked up at the roster for the first time. Professor Austen watched his reaction intently. His eyes widened and he froze. She was sure she saw a smile twitch at his mouth, "Shove off _Frederick_," he answered drily.

At the other end of the class Lizzy Bennett stood up abruptly, her chair scraping across the floor catching people's attention, "I'm sorry Professor but I refuse to work with that pig-headed proud tosser!"

The boys laughed and Jane's heart swelled when she saw Darcy's face fall; but he soon disguised it with a mask of indifference, "Well Miss Bennett, I was hardly over the moon when I saw your name too."

Meanwhile Charlie and Jane were looking at each other dreamily and if it weren't for Professor Austen's fondness of them, she would be puking kittens.

Rick Wentworth awkwardly went to stand by Anne Elliot who looked like she was going to be sick and was looking anywhere but him. Jane smirked, she'd soon sort that out. Rick just needed to get over himself, and Anne needed some confidence and to get away from those vile sisters.

Jane looked at George Wickham with disdain as he sidled up to Caroline's desk, and came up with some cheap chat up line. Caroline turned her nose up at him, but Jane gagged when she saw her give him what she probably thought was a seductive smile. Ack.

Emma looked bored, as she sat with George. Jane sighed, he was probably giving her one of those lectures.

She cleared her throat to get the attention of the class. Everyone turned apart from Caroline and George who were still talking, George blatantly looking down her top.

Jane frowned, "George, Caroline, if you'd like to promptly close your mouths. Oh and Mr Wickham, Miss Bingley's eyes are up here, not down there," she added, pointing to her eyes.

Mr Wickham blushed and Caroline scowled.

"Right now you'll see I've chosen a selection of topics, and in the case of Mr Tilney and Miss Morland, I have given two opposites. Any questions?" she asked, looking around the room.

Henry Tilney raised hand.

"Yes Mr Tilney?" Jane asked.

"Well Professor..." he said looking hesitant, "I couldn't help but notice that the pairs you have chosen..."

"Yes?" Jane smirked, it seemed she hadn't got away with it.

"It almost seems like you're trying to matchmake us," he stated bluntly. At her amused silence he continued, "And the subjects you have chosen almost seem to reflect those studying..."

"Whatever do you mean?" Professor Austen asked innocently, as the rest off the class looked at the roster, catching on.

"Well take Jane and Charles, you know they've been flirting for weeks...and now they're suddenly not talking... if Charles would just have the balls to ask her out.." he trailed off.

The boys all guffawed at his and Jane Bennett Blushed.

The professor had to stifle a giggle herself.

"Hey!" Charles exclaimed. But Professor Austen knew he couldn't stay angry for too long. He was just too _kind,_ "I think you'll find that I do!"

"Prove it mate," Rick said.

"OK," Charles said nervously, "Jane...I'm sorry I've been distant recently...Will you go out with me?"

Jane nodded shyly, and Charles slowly leant over.

Meanwhile the boys all banged their hands on the desk, as the couple got closer and Charles finally placed a chaste kiss on her cheeks.

Professor Austen saw Will Darcy scrutinising the scene. That could be a problem, she thought.

"OK, you've had your fun, now back to the lesson." Jane called for order.

"Wait Professor," George Knightly called out, "You didn't answer Henry's question."

The class went silent.

Jane decided that as she had been caught red handed, she may as well put on a good show, "Well, I suppose I see where you're coming from Henry," she looked at the roster, "It is obvious now that Charles and Jane are arse over tits for each other, and to be honest we all know them to be very kind people."

The class laughed at her use of language.

"They are so kind sometimes, that it gets annoying. I mean Charles, like Henry says, you need to get some balls and stop being a pushover! And Jane, you are an angel, but you've got to stop looking for the good in people and look at the bigger picture! And come on Marianne, we do love you and yes you have sensibility; you can be emotional and wrapped up in your feelings; but you really have to have your wits about you, get some _sense! _

Edmund Bertram. You are the blindest person I know! You take Francesca for granted, but she's not going to stick around forever! Open your eyes, and act on instincts for once in your God-damn life. Forget your freaking moral compass!" she paused for breath.

The class were startled at her outburst, and others were laughing-incidentally the ones who she had not lectured yet. Oh your next, she thought.

"And well, well, well, what do we have here? Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy and Lizzy Bennet. Where to start I ask you? Where to start?" she half cackled, but suddenly got serious and scolded, "Well firstly Darcy, you could get your head stuck out of your arse!"

At this, the class erupted in laughter, and Will looked like he wanted to kill someone, whereas Lizzy had a smug smile.

"Your so wrapped up in your freaking pride that you can't see two feet in front of you! In fact I'm surprised you and your big arsed pride can fit through the door! Don't get me wrong it's good to have a bit dignity, but man, you are crossing the line!"

She saw several people nod their heads, as everyone was enraptured with her performance; giving her the strength to carry on.

"We all know you love Elizabeth! Don't think for one moment it's escaped our notice that you stare at her every time you think no-one's watching! Don't think that making snarky comments about her appearance will put that right!"

"Darce, she's totally got a point," Charles pointed out.

Darcy scowled.

"And Elizabeth Bennett! Wipe that smug smile off your face! What about your prejudice? You think that just because he's filthy rich and because he made one comment about your appearance, that makes him the most snobbiest, unpleasant man alive! I don't think he even meant it, he was just trying to get Charles off his back! Had your pride not been wounded, I bet you would have thought him as good as any other."

"Here here!" Emma called out and looked pointedly at Lizzy who was ducking her head in embarrassment.

Jane felt her heart swell and she said in a softer tone, "There there Lizzy, hang on in there. We know he can be insufferable sometimes, but we also know you love him too!"

Elizabeth snapped her head up indignantly and half shouted, "Love him? I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity! Little proud, annoying, stern, scowling, tall, dark, sexy-" she clapped a hand over her mouth as everyone turned to look at her, including a shocked looking Darcy.

"You-you-th-think I'm s-sexy?" he gulped. Jane stifled hysterics. This was the only time she'd seen him speechless.

Lizzy turned bright red and kept her head ducked, whilst nodding self consciously.

"I think your beautiful..." he breathed, "Your passion, your..."

Lizzy gaped at him, just like the rest of the class.

"Finally!" someone shouted.

"Well-well-I guess I think y-your-"

Lizzy was interrupted by Professor Austen, "Cut the shit Lizzy! Spit it out."

"I like you too. I-I lo-"

"Love me?" Darcy asked with a shy smile.

She nodded.

"I love you too, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth."

"Oooh, Darcylicious," Charles teased as Rick Wentworth gagged from the back of the classroom and the whole class laughed and cheered apart from George Wickham and Caroline Bingley.

"Ahem," Jane called for order, "I'm not finished. George Knightly. Affection. It is clear that what you feel for Emma is more than a brotherly sort of affection. So stop talking down to her! She's not a child. Let her have her own views and make her own mistakes. You need to stop treating her like a child and being so condescending! You only do it to her! We all know you think she's flawless."

George looked at the ground whilst Emma looked a mixture of smug at her professors criticisms of George and shocked at her end revelation.

"Well?" Jane asked, "What have you to say for yourself?"

"Emma," George began, "I'm sorry. I think your perfect."

Emma looked up, beaming at him, eyes bright, "Me? You do?"

"OK, guys could you continue this later, we only have ten minutes left," she didn't wait for a response and ploughed on, "Where are we? Ah...George Wickham and Caroline Bingley. Selfishness. Need we say any more?" she finished sarcastically.

The class burst into hysterics.

"Good one Professor Austen!" Darcy cheered.

"Hey! I demand a fair trial!" Wickham whined petulantly.

"Well Wickham your only prolonging the pain...but since it's you...In a nutshell you think you think you're God's gift to women!"

"Oooh!" the boys jeered.

"Chasing after women just for their fortune! I don't think it's any coincidence you're flirting with a certain Miss King at the moment. And FYI, Lizzy is off limits, she's too good for you! Darcy has won. And Caroline, I'm just gonna put you out of your misery girl, Darcy hates you."

Caroline gasped.

"I know. So stop clinging onto his arm like a...hmm how did Lizzy put it so eloquently...oh yeah a sycophantic bitch !"

Everyone let out a whoop here, even Jane Bennett.

"We all know that you persuaded Charles to leave Jane alone. Well what a load of good that did! And just quit making petty comments to Lizzy, just because your jealous. So quit it with your pathetic digs!"

Everyone cheered and Caroline huffed, picked up her bag and stormed out.

"I am on a role. Now Henry, I'm gonna make this quick. You're so cynical, stop patronising Catherine. She could teach you a thing or two. Catherine dear, yes you can be slightly naïve; but that in no way means that you aren't intelligent. I know you two will work it all out. Who's next?" she asked looking around.

"Er..." George Knightley looked at the board, "John Willoughby and Mary Crawford."

"Thanks Georgie," Jane smiled, "Right, John. Johnnie boy. Infidelity is your middle name right? You just annoy me. And Crawford? I put you there because you annoy me just as much. Leave Edmund alone! There isn't anything wrong with clergy men. Everyone knows that your too concerned about the ladder of society to give a shit about anyone else!"

"A pretty sermon. Actually I do care about Edmund. Very deeply. He should not waste his life as a clergy man, what would society-" Mary stopped herself.

"Gotcha," Jane said, "Now Rick, as I said to Darcy, get your head out of your arse. Stop glaring at Anne as if she's the bane of your existence, as if she tore your heart out and dragged it across the floor. Yes she said no when you asked her to marry you, but she was young and impressionable, she felt alone. Anne, now you are wiser, as you have this experience. We know that you were open to persuasion, so now perhaps Rick will be open too. Stand your ground with Lady Russell. Give it time, you'll persevere.

So, Henry, is that what you were talking about? I can see why you might think like that."

And with that, she was finished. She exhaled. The whole class stared at her in a mixture of admiration and shock, and then they burst into applause. There were wolf whistles, whoops and cheers.

Jane took a bow.


End file.
